AUGUST 6, 1998

A little boy who we never got the chance to know,
and the love we never got to share.
A special little angel you have become,
Your always in our hearts now and forever.

We will always love you, little guy.



S...Silent Birth
H...Heaven, where you now live
E...Ever in my heart
L...Love you always
D...Divine Angel
O...Only seen, never to know
N...Never to be forgotten

From Mommy.


My Story

Aug 5/98 i noticed no movement from the baby. I thought the baby was resting because i was already over-due by a few days so i thought that was a sign i was going in very soon. As the evening progressed i grew more scared and worried. I wanted to call my doctor but i was afraid to because deep down inside i knew something was wrong. Around midnight i went into labour with my contractions starting at 2-3 minutes. At 4 in the morning i was starting to spot a little so i decided it was time to go to the hospital. We got to the hospital, the nurse went to hook me up to the monitors but could not locate the baby's heartbeat.. my suspisions were quickly becoming a reality. All i was told then was that my doctor was on her way and perhaps the baby was hiding. When the doctor tried to get the heartbeat she delivered the worst news of my life " i think the baby is dead". An ultrasound was done right away and our worst fears were confirmed. My life was shattered in an instance. At the time all i wanted was a C-Section.. i did not think i would be able to go through a delivery knowing what the end result was. I was so close to delivery time that they advised me it would be better if i did not have one. They moved me to a special room to have the baby. That was the hardest thing i ever had to do. My husband was there but i have to give big heart warmed thanks to my mom and my sister who were in the room with me. If it was not for them i think i would have lost it . The birth went as well as expected but there was an undescribable feeling of peace. Then the moment came to say good-bye to a sweet baby we never even got the chance to say hello to. He seemed so perfect it was hard to believe he was gone. I wanted to hold him but i could not bring myself to do it. I held him for nine months so i felt lucky enough and that was all i needed. I left the hospital a few hours later because i did not want to stay there. The next few days were such a whirl wind. We had to tell all our friends and family the bad news. We received a lot of support. On Aug 10 we had a burial for the baby. He is buried right beside his cousin where they can play together in heaven. The hardest part was not knowing what happened. There was no conclusive answer. There was some speculation as to what happened. The cord was looped around his shoulders but they were not sure if it was enough to have caused it. The placenta had started to seperate but they were not sure if it was enough to do such damage. All we know is that at some point the baby was under stress because he completely emptied his bowels. The feelings have been quite the emotional rollercoaster. There are feelings of sadness, anger and guilt. But the worst is not knowing. I have been trying to console myself that there is a reason which can not be answered at this time. One of the hardest parts was telling my other 2 children. It was ironic they were sleeping when i came home and they both woke up at the same time and my oldest one asked if the baby died. It was so hard to tell them. They are young but it is amazing how well they understand. It was hard comprehending that mommy was going to have a baby but was not able to bring that baby home. All the excitement and preparations for a new life....dreams for a new life... all shattered in an instance.. The next few months were up and down but i finally had a breaking point in November. I felt like i hit rock bottom but now all i can do is go up. While i still have a lot of bad days they are starting to be farther apart. I just look forward to the day when i get to say hello. Sheldon has a special place in my heart.. He will always be loved. Never to have known but always loved ...



God took our little angel
No welcome will there be.
To say goodbye before its born
Its not the way lifes meant to be.

But God had a plan, we know not what
Its not meant for us to know.
Just say a prayer and bless his soul
God needed him to glow.

He will always be a part of us
We loved him just the same.
Our hearts were broken it is true
Just so sad and such a shame.

He's up in heaven now you see
More love than he can share.
The stars, the moon the heavens
Tell us all God really cares....

Gramms October 23, 1998

God took him home it was his will
But in our hearts he liveth still

Mommy, Daddy, your brother, your sister.
Grandma's, Grandpa's, Aunties, Uncles, and all your Cousins.